


How Powerful is This Thing?!

by Hadrian_Kallig2077



Series: The Many Crack Stories of V and Silverhand [1]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadrian_Kallig2077/pseuds/Hadrian_Kallig2077
Summary: “V, what the fuck is this thing?”“I don’t know Johnny. All I know is that it outclasses your peashooter of a pistol”Both V and Johnny are in awe at the power of V’s engineering skills at crafting shit.A bit of a crack story taking a jab at some of the stuff I found funny about Cyberpunk 2077, whether it be through things I did or what the game did. One shot. Spoilers near the end.
Series: The Many Crack Stories of V and Silverhand [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067441
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	How Powerful is This Thing?!

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is my first story. I hope you all liked it!  
> EDIT: I'm probably gonna make this a series, taking the piss out of other stuff I laughed at in Cyberpunk 2077.

V was dying. He only had a few weeks left to roam the world.

However, if one took a look through his routine, one would find a very odd lack of self preservation. In fact...

“V, do you seriously need to be doing this?” Johnny Silverhand, the famous Rockerboy Anarchist of the last generation and overall grumpy-old-man-in-spirit, asked to V.

V was somewhat...strange. At least according to Johnny. Call the kettle black if you want, but V was in a league of his own.

The first thing was that, for a former Corpo, V was offhandedly nice. He always found some way to insert himself in people’s problems, big or small. Hell, one time some random asshole was begging for help because his cyber - augmented dick was about to burn off permanently. V, instead of leaving the man to his fate, simply shook his head in pity and then called on his Caliburn. Many times, he offered Johnny the chance to take over his body for the day, which, while great, was not something many people would be willing to do for the construct that was destroying their consciousness.

The other thing was how rich V seemingly was. Not many mercs had millions of eddies in their accounts, but V somehow had more money than the fuckin Arasakas. Yet, for some reason, he never went to another country to try and get rid of Johnny, or buy a better apartment than that death trap that was his Megabuilding. His eddies could be used to buy a mansion that could outclass Kerry’s, but instead, there were only two major investments V’s eddies seemed to go towards.

Supercars….and clothes shopping.

If Johnny thought Alt and Rogue’s spending habits towards clothes were extreme, V took things to a whole other level. He’d spend literal hours driving back and forth to stores on his Aerondight to find the right match of Red and Black ties, vests, blazers, etc, etc. Johnny wanted to fall asleep from sheer boredom many times, but he was a construct, so he couldn’t just go to sleep like V did. Did he even sleep at all, the way he would crash on his bed? Ugh, if V didn’t have some Cyberware on his spine, Johnny bet V’s spine would’ve folded in half lonnng ago.

“Shut up, Johnny. I gotta look good for Panam. Dress to impress.”

Johnny stared at V, shaking his head.

“V, she’s a fuckin Nomad. Her people literally wander around the country like nomadic truckers. I doubt they’re going to care about fashion that much, especially suits and ties and vests and all that shit you seem to always be eager to put on.”

V barely glanced at Johnny before he responded.

“Ok, ok, you got me, but you don’t understand. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find some decent clothes that also offer decent protection in a gunfight, Johnny? We all can’t have custom made clothes with your band name that also double as kevlar vests, Johnny. Some of us have gotta search long and hard for them.”

“Ok, maybe, but can you explain why you need a fucking tie, V?”

V stared at Johnny like he was an idiot.

  
“I gotta style on my enemies, Johnny. Gotta make them look away from my blinding presence whenever they’re wondering why their bullets aren’t killing me”

  
Johnny pinched his nose hard. He was sorely regretting ever having bombed Arasaka. If he’d known the shit he was going to end up in, he’d have just gone on that date with Rogue instead of holding that last concert.

“V, you’re not making any sense”

V took one last look around the store.

“Annnnnd. Done. Alright, let’s go.”

Johnny uncrossed his arms, relief palpable in his voice, even though he tried his best to hide it.

“Finally. Thought you were going to move your bed here, the way you were going”

V was overall an alright dude for a Corpo, but goddamn did he have his annoying habits. If Johnny had to go on another clothes shopping spree with V, he was going to find a way to shred the biochip all on his own.

“You know, you could stand to learn a bit from me, Johnny. You’ve been wearing that tank top bulletproof vest for too long. You could try switching things up.”

Johnny shuddered.

“The day I put on a suit from you is the day I’m going to shake hands with Soburo Arasaka. It ain’t happening, V.”

V crossed his arms, disgruntled.

“Come on, Johnny. You’d look pretty good if you ever decided to tidy...up...Hold on, there’s a sale going on in the weapons shop next door. Let’s see what’s on sale.”

Johnny sighed. At least it wasn’t clothes anymore. Maybe he’d find something interesting to look at.

V walked into the store.

“I heard you have a sale going on?” V asked the clerk.

The clerk nodded fervently. “Of course, sir. We have 80% off all schematics and pistols.”

V nodded. “What do you think, Johnny? Pistol or schematics?”

Johnny didn’t really care, but hey, if V was asking his opinion, it was only fair to answer back.

“Get the schematics. I’m more interested in that than all the dinky tech pistols they’ve got in the back here.”

“Alright, I’ll buy the schematics.”

The clerk nodded. “Very well sir. Which ones?.”

V gave a sinister smile as he showed the amount of eddies he had on him. “ALL of them.”

**One large transaction later**

V came out of the store, whistling some kind of jazzy tune. That was another thing that got on Johnny’s nerves. Despite the fact V had a Rockerboy legend stuck in his head, he preferred to listen to that lame classical shit. Jazz, in 2077? Johnny really wanted to destroy that infernal radio station sometimes.

“Alright, Johnny. I dropped a lot of eddies on this stuff, so why don’t we use it?”

Johnny sighed. He just wanted the day to end.

“Don’t see why not. What’ve you got in mind?”

V looked through the various schematics he had on hand.

“Hmm. This looks promising. The... RT - 46 Burya Tech Revolver? Says it packs quite a punch.”

“Hmm. From what I remember, the Soviets always did have some decent hardware. Let’s see how this does.”  
****

**One crafting session later**

V stood there, admiring his new revolver.

“Hmm. Not bad, huh, Johnny. I kinda like it.”

Johnny scoffed. Nothing would ever replace his baby, the Malorian Arms 3516 Heavy Pistol. 50 years later and it still performed like a dream.

“Alright, let’s take this baby out for a spin. Shouldn’t be too hard to find trouble in Night City.”

V was proven right less than a block away from the shops he visited. A group of Scavs were harassing a couple.

V bought out his new revolver, a bloodthirsty grin adorning his face.

“HEY ASSHOLES!”

The Scavs looked on in bewilderment

“PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!” V shouted, before firing the Burya

Carnage. That was all that could be described about the Burya. The poor fool didn’t even have time to scream before he and the Scav behind him was cleaved in half by the raw power of Soviet technology.

“ **HOLY SHIT!** ” V and Johnny shouted.

The Scav left fell on her ass. She looked at V for a moment, before screaming like a banshee and running away.

“V, what the fuck is this thing?”

“I don’t know Johnny. All I know is that it outclasses your peashooter of a pistol”

Johnny nodded numbly. Normally, he would defend his baby until his dying days, but he just saw a revolver punch a cannon sized hole through two fully armored Scavs. Not even his Malorian could do that on good days.

“Well, if that’s the power of one of these schematics, let’s see the destruction we can carve with the others.”  
Johnny smiled. Maybe he should get V to buy more schematics from now on, if this was one of the things V could make with them.

“I don’t see why not”

**Arasaka Tower, a few days later**

Johnny was able to grab Rogue just in time before Adam Smasher grabbed her. “ _Thank goodness for V’s investment in all that cyberware,_.”, Johnny thought, before bringing out the one thing he knew was gonna kill Smasher for good.

Adam laughed, turned away from Johnny. “Hahahaha, this is great. The great Johnny Silverhand, gonna make a last stand to protect the old cunt, maybe even shoot me with that tiny peashooter that you loved so much?”

Johnny snarled, hatred etched onto his face.

“Two things asshole. One, I’m much older now.”

Adam chuckled. “And?”

Johnny grinned. “And with age, comes wisdom.”, before bringing out a fully modified Carnage 4-Gage Power Shotgun.

Adam stopped laughing, something close to fear in his eyes dawning.

“Smile, asshole!”

**B O O M**

The poor janitors at Arasaka would be cleaning up Adam’s remains for quite a while.


End file.
